Hey everyone. If you've made it this far into my Confessional, I've left a note to each of my fellow jurors. I made connections with some of you before the jury. Viy, Loki, Kronos, you know who you are. Each and every one of you contributed to an amazing game experience. You likely know my identity by now, but it's equally as likely you don't know much about me outside of what you learned in this game. While I've played mafia on MS for some time, I'm generally quite introverted and anxious about entering social circles without participating in games that literally force me into socializing. I hope you enjoyed my presence in this game as I enjoyed yours.
This was also my first game of Survivor ever. I watched the couple seasons of Survivor only weeks before the game started, and thus I had no idea what to expect coming into this game. Ultimately, I knew my inexperience would put me at a disadvantage, but I am still quite proud of my performance in this game. I am unsure whether I will play Survivor again, but I hope whether I do or not that I talk to some of you again. Thank you for making this an amazing newbie experience.
Onto the messages.
Jesus: At the time of writing this, voting has yet to open. I am still not completely sure of where my vote will land in the end, but know you were the first person I came to trust outside of my tribe and someone who I could depend onto be casual and cool even when the game grew stressful. I enjoyed your interpretation of the Jesus character and you were one of my closest friends this game. I'm proud of you for making it this far, regardless of whether you win. Your passion is evident and you definitely deserve to make it this far in my mind. I think you're a pretty cool person from what I saw in this game. And I also appreciated that even when you were voting me out you didn't shirk from exactly why. I was so straightforward and honest with you throughout the game in large part because you made it so easy to be that way with how you withheld judgement and always managed to joke around just a bit. Thank you and good luck in the vote!
M&H: blah blah blah my vote is in the balance WE KNOW THIS. My talks with you were very fun. I think we were never as close due to seeing the other as a threat and also spending less time together, but half of me wonders about the alternate universe where we are on Taotie together and form an absolute power duo (trio??). Your fluffy and lighthearted presence helped to alleviate the natural anxiety this game could cause at times (even if some of it was strategical). Your music thread was a wonderful addition to the game. Thank you for making this game so exciting, you weren't afraid to make shit happen even if you weren't entirely sure how it would work out. I respected your play during the game and I always felt a little bit intimidated standing next to you and I was fervently hoping you couldn't see through me and all my newbieness.
Hades: You were my first ally this game and because I was inexperienced and anxious and excited I clung to that alliance like a lifeboat. But more than that, you were just an absolute pleasure to talk to and work with (even though we got separated literally every single swap this game
). I wish we had gotten more of a chance to go through TCs together and bond that way. But still, even your intentionally 'removed' self, as I think you said Hades was a bit of an experiment for you, was very endearing and you always felt sensitive while being an obviously strong player. I think you also, whether intentionally or not, helped to guide me a little this game and helped me learn a lot about how these games tend to work. You would answer a lot of my questions even if I didn't outright answer them, so I feel like you helped teach me how the game worked on the job.
Poppy: Ugh, it really sucks that we never got a tribe together until merge. Even then, one of my big regrets with how I played this game was not trying a lot harder to make a connection with you once merge came around. Evidently, we were both in fairly similar situations given the rounds we went out, and perhaps a Poppy/Athena alliance could have been fearsome. But that's in the past. You were always effortlessly easy to talk to and I appreciated how upfront I felt we could be with each other even given our relative distance in this game.
Persephone: I feel like without even trying, you perfectly embodied the goddess of agriculture. You were just always so gentle and sweet and sensitive and when people started turning against you during the merge my heart really went out to you. I regret a lot of things about how you went out, especially because I felt like you became my strongest Titan ally when we got separated together on White Tiger. But I feel like I didn't maintain our relationship as well as I should have, so when you went out, I let a lot of paranoia get to me that I shouldn't have. You got to sabotage my game a little bit before you went out so alls fair I suppose
Thanks for being a good friend this game
Jael: My absolute number one regret this game is going along with the Moirai votes on you, and lying to you about them on top of you. I felt absolutely horrible about it at the time (see confessional) but ultimately thought it was the best strategical decision. With the benefit of hindsight, I see that it wasn't true, and my hands were not as tied as I thought. I thought it was miraculous that you had the capacity to not utterly hate my guts after that, and moreso when I voted you out again. Even if that was partially due to needing all the options you could get, I was very grateful to still be able to talk to you even after the Moirai. I wish we could've worked together, and it stings because it is ultimately my fault that we did not. I don't think explaining why I thought it was best strategy to vote you there will do much good, as I think my reasoning was naive and tainted by inexperience. It is possibly the biggest "What If" for my game on what would have happened if I had aligned with you there. It's quite possible the game goes in a very different direction for both of us.
Anyway, you were gracious and smart and savvy about the game and also very kind and sweet. Some people said you were good at hiding your emotions. I guess that was true to the extent that neither of us really told the other the full truth of what we knew about the game, but I always felt a sense of empathy from you and I appreciated that. You were a good friend and a good player despite the circumstances of the game winding up absolutely shitty for you. sorry for stabbing you in the back for whatever it is worth
Phobos and Deimos: Y'all were smart players and played only as much as you needed to. I thought for sure you'd be among the first to go out if we ever went to tribal on Titans. But seeing your whole gameplay now, I realize that was pretty unlikely to be the case. I respect your game a lot and despite how vulnerable I felt you were at the start of the game, it was amazing how your position felt bulletproof through the merge. It literally took a last second surprise attack from MH to take you out. I feel like you were another player I learned a lot from strategically this game, even if just from hearing how you handled Taotie and the like. You seem really cool. I also regret voting you out when I did because I think it was a strategical mistake, sorry.
Cerberus: The most shocking elimination for me. I didn't reply to PMs much for the whole day after, I was pretty sad. I felt like you were really easy to talk to about non-game-related stuff and that we got to talk about a lot of different things. You were kind and sensitive and the way you played your character was my favorite character in this whole game. I'm sorry things went down the way they did for you. It feels... unlucky, like there wasn't much to be done. And I know that has to sting with how much you worked to get into your position. Thanks for being a good friend this game.
Eloritu: The Epitome of Chaos. The Stormbringer. The Whirling Tornado. Kidding. You were a very fun player. It was also super easy to talk to, or not talk to you throughout the game. I felt like I never really got a bead on what you were planning or what you wanted to do and that was both exciting and fear inducing. You seem really cool in general and I appreciate the element of chaos you brought to the game. I think if you had stuck around longer the game could have gone in any number of random chaotic ways. And you certainly accomplished that goal while you were in the game.
Hermes: I hope lil Herm is doing well! I enjoyed my talks with you even if by the time we started feeling closer it felt too late. I think my inability to really work with you this game came down to some of my inexperience and inability to take initiative. I'm sorry I told you to post the Tribe Moirai post. That wasn't malicious I swear I'm just a newbie who had no idea that would be taken so harshly. So much for the Goddess of Wisdom amirite?
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To everyone else, to anyone I managed to interact with or talk to, know I enjoyed your presence in the game. The most fun part of this game for me was talking to people, whether that be about game or real life.
As for my performance this game, while I said I'm proud of it, I do have a lot of regrets and things I would do differently in a new game. Overall, I think I could have played a little harder come the merge. That is, I became too happy and complacent with my spot in the game, and should have been continuing to forge alliances and make things happens that directly benefited me, instead of just going along with what people wanted. While my spot was "good," I was falling behind by not taking action compared to the likes of Hades and MH, who were constantly taking action. I admit, I was afraid to go to far and have people turn against me, as people had with players like Radiance or Bilious. I certainly have regrets this game, but overall, it was a wonderful experience. Thank you to the Goderators, and thank you to the players for making it a fun experience. And an amazing first experience.
Will I play again? idk. part of me wants to try and prove to myself that I can do better and improve upon my play taking the lessons I learned from this one. another part of me feels like... I'm too soft for this type of game. I don't know.
This game is also a huge time commitment and I'm an extremely competitive person. In order to win, I feel like I'd have to put in an even greater time commitment than I did this game, and I'm not sure how feasible that is.
So whether I play again or not, or interact with people in this community again or not:
Thank you! You were all amazing <3