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Post by Fili & Kili on Jun 24, 2021 10:17:35 GMT
Er, hello, beings of various sorts. We accidentally delved too greedily and too deep on our way to the Lonely Mountain, and ended up in this strange place.
We also seem to have lost the rest of our party, which is rather a bother as Peter Jackson might actually now have to flesh out our characters instead of just throwing a few Elf romance scenes at us. He's jolly angry about it.
So, my amazing idea is to hire a new party from the lot of you. We're looking for the following:
1 Thief: Cannon fodder for the dragon Valued member of the party. Ideally somewhat resistant to fire and/or unknowingly in possession of the most powerful artifact in Middle Earth.
1 Wizard: Must be incredibly powerful, but not actually help us much so as to allow PJ to stretch this out to three movies.
1 King of the Dwarves: Needs to seem righteous and very protagonist-y despite wanting to lead all his friends to their inevitable deaths in order to make himself richer.
1 Balin: Must have just enough of a nice personality to make people feel bad when they remember he gets eaten by a balrog in the future. A Hufflepuff would be ideal.
Assorted Other Dwarves: Need to perfectly embody the stereotype of drinking/smashing plates/being rowdy but outside of that have zero personality at all.
2 Elves: Must be willing to insert themselves into the story in as heavy-handed a way as possible and pose for a front-and-center position on all the movie posters.
Any takers?
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Post by Fili & Kili on Jun 24, 2021 10:18:47 GMT
This is Fili, by the way. You can tell it is me because I have the ability to speak in the incredible language that is Comic Sans, something far beyond the abilities of my slightly-less-handsome brother.
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Post by The Radiance on Jun 24, 2021 10:22:46 GMT
is hating dwarves required for being stereotypical mysterious person an elf?
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Post by Jesus on Jun 24, 2021 10:41:14 GMT
hi ummm if u need the son of god for anything i am happy to volunteer and help in any way i can
i can turn water into wine and like raise people from the dead so does that count as incredibly powerful?
i am also very good at drinking but i dont really smash plates and i like to think i have a personality but idk
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Post by Bilious on Jun 24, 2021 15:04:11 GMT
I can be that hungover guy in the corner.
I assume I will be with everyone drinking anyway.
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Hermes
Valhalla
He / Him
Posts: 473 
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Post by Hermes on Jun 24, 2021 15:32:55 GMT
I would love to audition as an Assorted Other Dwarf
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Post by Athena on Jun 24, 2021 15:38:10 GMT
If you're in need of a wise, powerful, strategically minded, but ultimately disinterested leader... I suppose I can lend some advice every now and then.
For starters, I would *not* recommend confronting a legendary dragon one on one.
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Post by Artemis on Jun 24, 2021 16:07:39 GMT
If you need a huntress let me know! Besides, how are you going to adventure on empty stomachs
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Post by Papatuanuku on Jun 24, 2021 17:10:51 GMT
hi ummm if u need the son of god for anything i am happy to volunteer and help in any way i can i can turn water into wine and like raise people from the dead so does that count as incredibly powerful? i am also very good at drinking but i dont really smash plates and i like to think i have a personality but idk I'm pretty sure you smashed some plates in the temple that one time... |
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Post by Papatuanuku on Jun 24, 2021 17:13:35 GMT
I volunteer Artemis to be an elf! She's got the bow and arrow, affinity for nature, etc. And riding an ostrich is just as unexpected and cool as riding an elk, right? Or a shield down a flight of stairs...
I'm a Hufflepuff! I'm also the designated Parent Friend, so not sure where that would put me. Y'all can call me Poppy, by the way.
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Post by Jesus on Jun 24, 2021 17:15:20 GMT
hi ummm if u need the son of god for anything i am happy to volunteer and help in any way i can i can turn water into wine and like raise people from the dead so does that count as incredibly powerful? i am also very good at drinking but i dont really smash plates and i like to think i have a personality but idk I'm pretty sure you smashed some plates in the temple that one time... thats a good point with fili's approval i think i would honestly be perfect for the role |
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Post by Papatuanuku on Jun 24, 2021 17:21:02 GMT
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Post by Eloritu on Jun 24, 2021 17:27:02 GMT
I mean...I'm literally a god of magic. Do I qualify for the role of Wizard, or is this one of those jobs that's entry level but requires a master's and 5 years of experience?
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Post by Jesus on Jun 24, 2021 17:30:18 GMT
that turtle is so cute and i love it but i feel like this might be more of the vibe we're going for  |
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Jael
Valhalla
ਜੀ, ਜੋ ਕਿ ਮੇਰੇ ਹੱਥ ਵਿਚ ਇਕ ਤੰਬੂ ਦੀ ਕਿਲ੍ਲੀ ਹੈ, ਪਰ ਮੈਨੂੰ ਇਹ ਵੀ ਤੁਹਾਨੂੰ ਮਿਲਣ ਲਈ ਖੁਸ਼ ਹੈ :)
Posts: 526
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Post by Jael on Jun 24, 2021 18:07:30 GMT
I am known for being a decent hostess and a little sneaky and only a sprinkle of necessary murder. I could audition as the thief? I promise to want to murder you all for disturbing my dinner and eating all my food.
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